I want to share what life is really like as a working mum to my spirited 4-year-old, who has autism and ADHD. Juggling work, running an online business, managing kindy, and navigating numerous therapy sessions can be overwhelming enough. But there’s another layer to this journey: I suspect that I might have undiagnosed ADHD myself.
The Daily Struggle
Every day feels like a whirlwind. Imagine having to work on the day you’re not supposed to, trying to finish a work brief while your little one is melting down because they can’t find their favourite toy, getting ready for therapy, and demanding snacks at the least convenient moments. It can be heartbreaking to watch my child struggle with intense emotions, sometimes leading to meltdowns that leave both of us exhausted.
During these meltdowns, it’s often a symphony of tears and frustration. My child, overwhelmed by sensory input or difficulty communicating what they want, becomes inconsolable. In those moments, I find myself wrestling with my own struggles to cope—not just with their demands, but with my racing thoughts and scattered focus of stress, anxiety and ADHD.
Wouldn't it be nice if I could calmly guide my child through these emotional storms? Instead, I sometimes feel my patience slipping as I try to soothe both them and myself. I needed a subtle solution when I had these symptoms of anxiety and stress - more than ever, I was fidgeting, skin picking, and not nail biting but biting the insides of my cheeks.
Why Coping is So Hard
Coping with the chaos of daily life can be so challenging when you suspect you have ADHD. The whirlwind of tasks often feels like I’m trying to swim against a strong current, especially when a meltdown disrupts whatever plan I’ve managed to create.
When my child is in distress, my own focus goes out the window. I struggle to manage the chaos while trying to keep my mind from racing. At times, I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities, while small tasks slip through the cracks. It’s a constant cycle of guilt—wishing I could do more for my child while grappling with the chaos in my own mind.
The Costs of Obtaining a Diagnosis
Getting a diagnosis for ADHD as an adult comes with its own set of challenges. With the Australian cost of living rising, financial costs are a big factor - I could be using this money for my child’s therapy sessions. With my focus split between working from home and attending to my child's needs, I worry about how many missed appointments I might encounter in the whirlwind of our lives.
Skepticism from Practitioners
One of the most frustrating things in my journey has been the skepticism I've faced from neurotypical people as well as healthcare professionals when I express my concerns about ADHD. Many practitioners are hesitant to diagnose adults, often suggesting that women are less likely to have ADHD or that my symptoms are due to stress rather than validating what I think is ADHD symptoms.
When I share my experiences, I often hear things like “You seem like you’re managing well” or “Clearly, you’re finding ways to cope.” Such responses can feel invalidating, as if my struggles are minimised because I’m getting by somehow. Yet, the truth is that juggling work, life and the emotional needs of my autistic child often leaves me feeling on the edge of chaos.
Navigating Meltdowns and My Own Struggles
Meltdowns are tough not only for my child but for me too. When my little one is overwhelmed and melting down, it can be challenging to stay calm, especially when distractions, noise, or sensory elements heighten my anxiety. I sometimes find it hard to think clearly and respond effectively, which feeds into the cycle of stress for both of us.
On days when I struggle with my own potential ADHD symptoms, it feels like I’m fighting an uphill battle. My child's meltdowns can trigger feelings of frustration and inadequacy in myself, making it tough to find that “inner calm” we both desperately need.
I want to amplify the importance of understanding and support—for both my child and me. We need more compassion for parents navigating the complex world of neurodiversity. It’s vital for society to acknowledge the unique challenges faced by parents of children with autism and ADHD, especially when the parents themselves may be struggling with undiagnosed conditions.
Let’s work together to create a world where conversations about mental health and neurodiversity are open and supportive. It’s time to break down the stigma around adult ADHD and create more systems of understanding for families experiencing similar challenges.
If you resonate with my story—if you find yourself navigating work, parenting, and your own hidden struggles—please know that you are not alone. Let’s create a community that embraces our difficulties and focuses on solutions. By sharing our stories, we can foster connections with each other, ultimately leading to understanding and support.
Remember: we are not defined solely by our challenges, but by how we rise to meet them. Let’s tackle this journey together and build a brighter, more inclusive future for us all.
I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts. How do you cope? What strategies work for you? Let's connect!