Parenting is a journey filled with unexpected adventures, poignant moments, and sometimes, misunderstood situations. If you’re a parent navigating the colorful spectrum of autistic behaviours, you’re likely familiar with well-meaning comments like, “He doesn’t look autistic” or “That’s not an autistic meltdown; every child has meltdowns.” These words, often said without malicious intent, can still sting and trigger a bunch of emotions. Here's a tale about kindness, understanding, and finding peace amidst the noise.
The Playgroup Scene: A Slice of Life
This week, I took my son to playgroup, an environment alive with the chatter of giggling little ones and colorful toys scattered like confetti. My son was having a great time singing and dancing.
Then, without warning, the bustling environment became overwhelming and there was a change of routine. His face scrunched up; his hands fluttered in distress. My heart tightened. I understood these signs—he was on the brink of an autistic meltdown.
Enter: The Well-Meaning Parent
In the midst of calming my son and explaining that he’s autistic, a fellow parent said. “He doesn’t look autistic,” she commented, observing my son’s increasingly upset demeanor. “That’s not an autistic meltdown; it is a meltdown for your child - every child has meltdowns.”
In that moment, a flurry of responses flitted through my mind. Should I explain the nuances unique to each autistic child’s experience? Should I defend my parenting choices?
Choosing Kindness: An Empowered Response
I was still too shocked to respond. It took me a while to figure what to say next time. Here are a few gentle ways to respond:
1. Educate with Empathy:
“Thank you for your concern. Every child is indeed unique, and so is every autistic child. His meltdowns may seem similar to others, but they have different triggers and are experienced differently.”
2. Share Personal Insights:
“It’s a learning journey for us both. We’re discovering ways to help him navigate these feelings while honouring what makes him special.”
3. Invite Open Dialogue:
“It’s great that we’re talking about this. Autism manifests in numerous ways, and understanding more about it can be eye-opening and enriching.”
4. Set Boundaries Firmly, Yet Kindly:
"I appreciate your thoughts. Every parent’s path is different, and support, rather than judgment, helps foster understanding.”
The Power of Heartfelt Connection
In moments where you feel misunderstood, remember the transformative power of empathy. By choosing kindness in your responses, you not only create an opportunity for growth and understanding but also embody the compassion you strive to teach your child.
Let’s embrace these parenting adventures, armed with patience, open hearts, and the commitment to building a world where every child, regardless of their differences, is understood and celebrated. Together, with kindness as our compass, we can turn moments of misunderstanding into meaningful connections.