Parenthood and grief that comes with a diagnosis

I’ve always wanted to be a mum and knew about the things to expect like lack of sleep, terrible twos, the tantrums. Becoming a mum is like being handed the keys to a rollercoaster with twists you never saw coming. When I became a mum, I didn't just get on a rollercoaster; I climbed aboard a ride that’s been filled with emotions, challenges, and rewards, and learning my own biases with an autistic and ADHD child.

My days are a chaotic blend of routines and surprises. My morning starts with the same routine of us waking up, changing the day of the visual calendar before having a Yakult drink.

The morning then continues for a search of

sensory-friendly clothing. Sometimes tears and sometimes a straight refusal. Because for my child, texture matters. It's in these moments I realize the details parents of neurotypical children often overlook are crucial in my family. I’ve become a pro at decoding his non-verbal cues!

Navigating parenting an autistic child with ADHD teaches you the art of patience and learning how to be neuroaffirming. Every milestone reached is celebrated like a small victory, whether it's the first time your child communicates through a picture board or tries a new food. These victories, though they might seem tiny to others, are monumental and heartwarming for me and the online community.

In the midst of learning and adapting for my child, I might be neurodivergent too. It's like finding a missing puzzle piece that explains so much about my own experiences. My heightened sensitivity to sounds, smell and light, my need for structured plans, or that incredible focus once I dive into something you love—it all starts to make sense.

When my son received the diagnosis, I grieved for the hardships he would face in a world not yet fully accepting or accommodating of neurodivergence. That grief quickly turned into advocacy. I discovered my own neurodivergence along the way, gaining a deeper understanding of myself and my child.

Navigating this journey meant learning to become his voice, breaking down barriers, and standing up for his needs. Our lives are different now, filled with unique challenges and profound insights. Every milestone, every triumph is celebrated twice as hard. Through this, I've learned resilience, empathy, and the importance of advocating for a more inclusive world. My son has shown me a new way to see the world, and together, we are navigating it one step at a time.

Parenting and personal discovery go hand-in-hand now. My empathy has deepened because I understand how autism affects my child. I’m no longer just a parent but his advocate who truly gets what sensory overload feels like. It means I can be the voice where he cannot. People say to me, I couldn’t do what you do. Well it wasn’t a choice for me - it’s a first time for me too. And, oh, the power of routine! It’s something both myself and my child thrives on.

 

But it's not all just about adapting to challenges. There’s a special kind of joy and pride that comes with neurodivergence. You get to see and appreciate the world from a unique perspective. The creativity, the deep focus, the extraordinary attention to detail—these are superpowers you both possess.

My life has these layers of complexity now, but with them comes incredible depth. I’ve become resilient, understanding, and open—ready to face any twist or turn the rollercoaster brings. And remember, every loop and dip only makes the ride more thrilling and the journey more memorable.

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